I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
