So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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