i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
