In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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