Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
