So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
