We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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