i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
