we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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