I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
