At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
