no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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