Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?

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(901): why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it? http://tfl.nu/zj16

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(410): View more from Maryland

hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock

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(410): hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock http://tfl.nu/0euc

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...

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(414): I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america... http://tfl.nu/w5je

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store

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(617): there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store http://tfl.nu/cjt7

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(516): View more from New York

She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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(516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay

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(850): View more from Florida

idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'

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(850): idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots' http://tfl.nu/6gvu

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(989): View more from Michigan

I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

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(989): I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis. http://tfl.nu/oi4a

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.

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(250): I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out. http://tfl.nu/u7xj

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(646): View more from New York

HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.

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(646): HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS. http://tfl.nu/gw0q

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(916): View more from California

Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home

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(916): Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home http://tfl.nu/dlwc

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(731): View more from Tennessee

She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

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(731): She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro http://tfl.nu/kq10

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(647): View more from Ontario

You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws

(416): View more from Toronto

That explains the stains on my shirt

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(647): You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws (416): That explains the stains on my shirt http://tfl.nu/ptlu

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You need to be more adventurous.

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way

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(402): You need to be more adventurous. (1-402): I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way http://tfl.nu/a4mr

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.

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(501): I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit. http://tfl.nu/ez6v

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(256): View more from Alabama

Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.

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(256): Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide. http://tfl.nu/ci5k

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