On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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