On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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