Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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