Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
