I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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