i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
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its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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