Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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