he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
