Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
