it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
