Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
