I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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