Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
