Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
