I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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