there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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