she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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