Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
