First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
