We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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