"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
