dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
