If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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