I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize