I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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