my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
