Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
