I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize