I wannas sexs uuuuu
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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