Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
