hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
