I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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