Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
