Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
