Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
