im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
