dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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