Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
