I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we're so committed to being not committed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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