If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
