Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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