last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
