3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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