Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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