I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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