Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
