We're facebook friends in real life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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