he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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