Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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