did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
