Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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