Got a toothbrush?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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