I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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