Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
organizing the empties. That sober.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
