R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
