saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
