So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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