Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude i'm inner monologue high
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
